


5 times Max should have been on the podium +1 time he was.

by ironniek



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Mentions of depressive thoughts, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love, Until it isn't, with some angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 10:23:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12505256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ironniek/pseuds/ironniek
Summary: When he was little his mom told him love was special and pure. He was in love with the idea of being in love already.





	5 times Max should have been on the podium +1 time he was.

**Author's Note:**

> hello hello hello. so I had this idea and I hope y'all like it, I also hope my writing isn't too bad. This hasn't been beta'd so cope with me if I made some grammar mistakes.

When he was little his mom told him love was special and pure. He was in love with the idea of being in love already. The first time he thought he fell in love he told his mom, he told her proudly how cute she was.

When he was little his mom told him it didn't matter who you loved as long as you were happy. He didn't really understand it at that time. The second time he fell in love he didn't tell her, he didn't tell her how cute he was.

When he was little his mom told him people could fall out of love. He told her that was silly, he didn't see the sad look on her face. He didn't tell her he knew what she meant some time later.

He stopped believing love was special when his parents divorced.

When he was little his mom never told him to not fall in love with your team mate. He wished she told him that.

 

1\. Azerbaijan

 

The mood was tense around him, he could feel it, of course it was tense. He felt like everyone expected him to blow up any second. Max felt like he could blow up any second, as he looked at the screen and the positions the drivers were in he could feel a dreadful feeling boiling at the pit of his stomach. Max tried to keep his face neutral as he was watching the last few laps of the race. He should feel happy for Daniel, for the team but he couldn't. He glanced over his shoulder to the pit wall, the team getting ready to climb the barrier. He played along, he pretended to be happy, he got good at pretending. Watching Daniel on the podium made his heart jump but also cracked it, seeing Daniel being handed his podium cap made him tip over the edge. Max suddenly felt sick and had to get out of there, he mumbled something about having to pee but no one gave him a reaction. Once he was alone he allowed himself to feel for a moment. He pressed his hands against his face and let's out a frustrated groan. Leaning back against the nearest wall he could feel tears prickling in his eyes. All he wanted was to be up there with Daniel on the podium. All he wanted was just some of the luck the Australian had. All he wanted was to be brave enough to just tell him how he felt but he knew that was useless anyway. Daniel didn't feel the same, of course he didn't.

He lost track of time and had no idea how long he already had been standing there when he heard the familiar voice of the Australian in the garage. He took a deep breath, ran a hand over his face and put up his walls again. He pulled his best smile and walked up to Daniel to congratulate him. He didn't need to ruin their friendship, he didn't need love. He could do this.

 

2\. Austria

 

He punched the nearest wall as soon as he was alone, the pain immediately burning through his arm, blood dripping down his fist on the floor. He wished there was a way for him to just turn off everything he felt right now, he decided he would rather not feel anything.

He cleaned the wound on his fist before getting changed, normally he would stick and watch the race but the thought of Daniel grabbing another podium made him sick. He wanted to be up there with him, wanted to celebrate with him, hug him. Kiss him. He let out a frustrated sigh at that thought, having the urge to take it up against the wall again. He had told himself he could do this, he thought he could.

Max thought back to a conversation he had with his sister not a while ago, his plan of hiding everything already ruined by then.

_“_ _You look sad when you think he isn't looking” Victoria mentioned to Max as she was looking from him to Daniel. Max tried to keep a straight face but he knew his sister could see through it, he let out a sigh and looked at the ground._

_"It's pathetic” he mumbled and shook his head then “it's also nothing you should stick your nose in so please stay out of it” he mentioned as he gave a sincere pleading look. Victoria just smiled and let out a soft chuckle. “He looks at you too you know, he always has this fond smile on his face whenever he looks at you and it isn't one a friend gives to another friend.” With that she left but he knew she wouldn't mention this to anyone, it only left him more confused._

He didn't expect things to go from bad to worse when he heard a knock on the door of his cool down room, the door opening before he could answer. Seeing Daniel stand there in the doorway made him feel worse than it made him feel better. He could feel the Australian was scanning him over to see if he was okay, probably not missing the small wounds on his fist. Max looked down at his feet, Daniel sat down beside him.

"What happened” Daniel said in a soft tone, lightly grabbing Max’s hand to inspects the wounds. “Fought the wall, and lost” Max answered with a rough voice, about to cry.

“Oh Max” he heard the Australian whispers. “Let's clean this” he said but Max pulled his hand away, causing Daniel to give him a confused look. “I shouldn't bother you with this, you should go celebrate with the team” Max kept looking down at the ground, knowing he wouldn't be able to keep his walls up if he looked at his chocolate brown eyes.

“I have plenty time to celebrate later Maxy, I know this feeling sucks, now let me clean this wound. I don't want you whining like a baby if it gets infected” Daniel said firmly before standing up and grabbing some stuff to clean up the wound. Max couldn't not smile at that and looked up at Daniel, his heart made a jump at the smile on the others face. Yeah he was certain now, he was complete and utterly fucked.

 

3\. Hungary

 

A feeling of anger shot through him and before it could fully settle it somehow already ebbed away in a feeling of hurt. He kept his visor shut as he got out of the car, not wanting anyone to see the fire that was burning in his eyes. Never had Daniel thought about not being able to finish a race because of his team mate. Looking back at spain last year, what happened between Nico and Lewis, he never thought it could happen to him. Of course Max didn’t do it on purpose but it didn’t make him less angry. He didn’t know it could hurt so much.

Sticking up his middle finger was childish, he knew that, he could also imagine what Max must have thought when he did that but right at his moment he didn’t care, the world could be stolen right now he didn’t care. If Max had been too shy to admit his feelings before, which Daniel wasn’t sure he actually had, the Dutchman would now be terrified to say anything. Somehow this made him more angry, not with Max but more with the situation.

He returned to the red bull garage after finishing his press duties, having calmed downed a bit and wanting to finish watching the race there. Hearing Max got a 10 second penalty left him a little confused, for sure he expected a penalty for him because the incident caused him to fall out of the race. He felt relief but also annoyance.

As soon as the race was done he wanted to follow Max to the press, just to see what he would say but he decided against that. He didn’t want to make this bigger than it already was and retreated himself to his private room behind the garage. Turning on the tv there he was just in time to catch Max’s interview. Hearing the Dutchman already apologize brought a smile on his face, glad he was owning up to it.

‘’I’m sorry’’ Max quickly blurted out once they were alone, he knew immediately he could do better but the nervous feeling was getting the better of him. His heart beat faster than normal and it felt like he was losing Daniel for good. He felt sick and was playing with the edge of his shirt, he felt like his 5 year old self who had to apologize for taking a cookie without asking. ‘’I never intented to hit you and take you out of the race, I’m so sorry Dan.’’ he was stuttering a bit. ‘’You can’t imagine how sorry i am.’’ he let out in a small whisper, looking up at the Australian now, afraid to see the look on Daniel’s face.

Seeing the other so close to tears almost broke his heart, hiding the urge to hug him he took a step closer. ‘’It’s okay Max, I accept your apology.’’ Daniel gave Max a supporting smile, ‘’It takes a lot to own up to something like this.’’ He carefully layed his hand on Max’s shoulder, keeping the smile on his face.

Repressing the feeling of pulling back from Daniel’s hand on his shoulder Max nodded his head. ‘’Thank you.’’ and a smile followed, making the Australian’s smile even brighter. Now was defenitely the right moment to tell him, Max decided against it, he wasn’t ready.

‘’So I brought beer and I thought we could sneak in a pizza.’’ Max stepped away from Daniel to grab the bag he left outside, holding up a pizza box too. ‘’I’m not even gonna ask where you got that.’’ Daniel laughed, Max laughing along with him.

‘’Magicians don’t share their tricks.’’ he winked at Daniel and shoved the pizza box in his hand. He would tell him, soon.

 

4\. Belgium

 

A crack in the wall, blood smudged against it and someone sitting on the ground. It was silent apart from some sobs that could be heard. Blood was dripping from his fist on the floor and he wrapped his arms tighter around his knees, smudging everything with the blood. He was slowly breaking and he honestly didn’t know what to do anymore.

Someone kneeled beside him, he could feel them wrap their arms around him. Max lifted his head for a second and saw his sister sitting beside him before hiding his face again. She didn’t say anything and just gave him the comfort of a hug. He calmed down after a while, lifting up his head and giving Victoria a small but thankful smile.

‘’Didn’t know you gotten that strong?’’ Victoria said to try and lighten the mood a little. Max couldn’t help but chuckle, ‘’Yeah, quite impressive huh?’’ his voice sounded hoarse and he wiped the remaining of the tears away, careful to not get any blood on his face. He just washed his hands, cleaning the blood away but not cleaning the wound. Part of him was hoping Daniel would do that again after he sought him out. Victoria cleaned the blood on the wall but didn’t ask anything about it further.

He didn’t see him after the race.

 

There was a knock on the door of his hotel room and he looked up with his brow frowned, he told everyone he’d be back at his family house and not the hotel so he wasn’t expecting anyone. He got up and groaned in pain, having pushed himself up with his injured hand. Once the door was open he had to hold back a surprise gasp as he saw Daniel standing there, a bag, of probably take out food, in one hand and a six pack of beer in the other.

‘’Knew you’d be here’’ the Australian mentioned and let himself in, brushing past Max and setting the food and beer down on the table. He turned back to Max and held out his hands. ‘’Let me see.’’ he said without any indication to what he was talking about but Max understood.

‘’See what.. there’s nothing-’’ But he got interrupted by Daniel stepping closer and gently pulling on Max’s right arm, the Dutchman looked at the ground as Daniel inspected his injured hand. ‘’Looks like you almost won this time’’ Daniel jokes and Max let out a laugh mixed with a sob. He was surprised when he felt himself being pulled in for a hug. Before he could realise what was happening it was already over. Daniel was walking to the bathroom to grab the stuff to clean the wound. He hadn’t even been able to return the hug.

 

5\. Singapore

 

There was only a numb feeling this time, a feeling of disbelief as he recalls the entire thing that happened after he got back to the garage. There wasn’t really a feeling of hurt this time, at least not as bad as the previous races. A racing incident was all it was and he couldn’t have done anything to prevent it anyway, not his fault. He was bitter because qualifying had been amazing, one of his best so far and the chances for this race were finally good too. For Red Bull’s sake, and a bit for his own, he hoped Daniel ended up on the podium, maybe he could smile this time as he saw the Australian up on the podium.

Because he wanted to watch the rest of the race he finished up his press duties pretty early, back in the garage he sat down in front of a screen with his team, the first time he has done that in a while. Although the angry feeling was still present he enjoyed watching the rest of the race, he couldn’t figure out if it was a good sign, him getting used to this.

His heart made the familiar jump seeing Daniel up on the podium, he and the Australian made eye contact and Daniel pulled a silly face. Max laughed, Daniel was obviously glad to see his team mate taking this DNF better than the last one.

“How’s the wall” he heard Daniel saying behind him, his tone light and teasing. Max turned away from packing his bag and glanced down as his hands before shrugging, “I scared it off" he gave Daniel a smile, the Australian stepped closer to check for himself, a light feeling ran through Max as he looked at his teammate who grabbed hold of both his hands. A small blush crept it’s way onto his face, his eyes widened a bit as Daniel brushed his thumb over his knuckles and the other must have seen the blush on face as he looked up. Daniel gave him a warm smile and moved to lean in a little closer. Max sucked in a deep breath, ready for what was about to happen but just before their lips could touch someone knocked on the door. Daniel groaned and Max took a deep breath to calm himself down. The head of Daniel’s engineer popped around the door, announcing they were about to take the team photo. Max let out a soft sigh and Daniel gave him an apologetic but hopeful look before he walked away.

 

+1. Malaysia

 

The top step of the podium, finally his. The feeling flowing through him was one he couldn't clearly explain. Parking his car in front of the number one sign gave him a familiar feeling. Max took a deep breath before getting out of the car, once he stood he looked down, she still had it in her after all. He slid his visor up and made his way to the team, it felt like he was walking on clouds. Jumping out of the car he felt his leg cramp up a little, like the first time and he laughed. Hugging the team felt great, they deserved this too. Lewis immediately congratulated him but he was looking around for Daniel. His feelings were all over the place, he didn’t know exactly how to feel right now. Not knowing where to exactly go he ran into Daniel, the smile on the Australian’s face was so bright he knew he was blushing. He got pulled into a hug and could feel Daniel’s lips brush over his ear, a soft whisper of congratulations after that. A shiver ran over his spine but before he could reply they were being called away to the cool down room.

 

He was pacing through the motor home, trying to keep himself calm as he glanced at the door every now and then. His shoes off but his racing suit still on, Daniel told him he’d meet him later after they took the team pictures but he didn’t know how much later. Scared to miss him he hadn’t showered yet but he was nervous as to what was keeping Daniel so long. Taking another deep breath he heard a knock on the door, he let out a slightly high pitched ‘come in’ and heard a laugh on the other side of the door. Daniel stepped inside then, closing the door behind him. He was fully changed already, his hair still wet, signalling he already showered. Holding up a six pack of beer he sat down on Max’s couch, still smiling.

‘’Should I go shower first?’’ Max asked nervously as he played with the edge of his suit. ‘’You better hurry, otherwise I’ll drink all the beer.’’ Daniel mentioned with a wink, knowing it will be more comfortable for him if he changed first. Max laughed and quickly made his way to the shower. It didn’t calm him down much, thinking about Daniel sitting there, thinking about what might happen. Once he was done he quickly dried himself off, making his way back to where he knew Daniel was sitting.

‘’So we haven’t really had a chance to talk about what happened in Singapore.’’ Daniel stood up, handing him a beer, Max noticed he was standing close. Before saying anything Max took a large sip of his beer, hoping to hide how nervous he was. ‘’I’d like to kiss you Max, but I’ll only do it if you want it too.’’ Daniel said with a soft purr and Max took a deep breath before nodding his head. Daniel took another step closer, taking the bottle from Max’s hand and placing it on the table before taking hold of said hand. Daniel looked up into the blue of his eyes before pulling Max gently closer, letting him close the gap before softly brushing his lips over Max’s. Letting out a soft gasp Max wrapped his arms around Daniel before he pressed his lips against the Australian’s a bit firmer. The kiss stayed slow and sweet, lasting what it seemed like 15 minutes. He could feel Daniel smiling against his lips and Max couldn’t hold back a giggle.

‘’I’ve wanted to do that for a while’’ Daniel whispers, resting his forehead against Max’s, releasing a soft sigh. ‘’I like you a lot Max, I want to give this, us a try. If you’re on board with that, and ready of course.’’ Max is surprised at the nervous tone in his voice.

Not knowing quite what to say Max leans in to kiss Daniel again, using a bit more force this time. He feels arms being wrapped around himself and Daniel is walking him backwards towards the wall, gently pressing him against it. ‘’Guess that’s a yes hm?’’ he pulls back, Max makes a soft displeasing sound and follows him with his lips. ‘’So impatient already.’’ Daniel whispers as he trails some kisses over his neck up to his ear, making the Dutchman gasp as he nibbles his earlobe. ‘’Use your words Maxy.’’ He purrs in his ear.

‘’I want you’’ Max gasps out, trying to pull him in for another kiss. Daniel smirks at him, that being enough of an answer, he kisses him again. ‘’I’ll make you forget your name.’’ He whispers, sucking a bruise on his neck, earning another gasp from the other before pulling back. ‘’Lock the door and meet me in the bedroom.’’ with another wink he left Max standing there. He smiled before following him to the bedroom.


End file.
